I am an overthinker.
An over worrier.
I am very aware of where I live on the sensitivity continuum and have, for the most part, made peace with where I am in relation to others. I own my place.
However, there are times I should not be in my head without an adult. Yesterday was one of those times. With the end of summer/ start of school, my orderly little world was very off (no schedule, no routine, getting up at all hours, squeezing in time for what I needed to do, etc.). And my little Bug started full day kindergarten on Wednesday (Is he doing ok? Is he making friends? Is he happy? Does he miss me? Is he going to be a brat when he gets home?). And I was getting a lot of negative feedback from all corners of my world – all at the same time.
With my anxiety challenges, that is a very bad place for me.
So I found time for a yoga class yesterday. It was not my normal early morning class (see above scheduling conflicts), but was the same “type” I typically attend. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my studio and my teacher. She has the most amazing energy. And she plays music during vinyasa class. And I leave there after every session feeling safe, peaceful and energized.
I walked in just as it was starting and the room was full of those I consider “advanced” students. (AKA very bendy, spiritual people who breath loudly and say “Om” for longer stretches than I can)
My teacher did not turn on music, as she typically does, but had us practice in silence to focus on our breath.
For about 30 minutes there was a part of me that wanted to turn right around and go home.
It was so hard for me. I was judging myself and my imperfect postures. Annoyed with these super stretchy people around me who wanted more freaking sun salutations. Slightly frazzled that class was going to run over and my schedule would be ruined.
But I kept going back to the breath.
And today has been amazing. I went on a 9.11 mile run with three lovely running friends in honor of 9/11. I have been taking my time this morning and just doing my best – because that is good enough. And I feel light, happy and free – even more so than after my typical class. The discomfort of that class was JUST what I needed to grow.